awkward moments

You know those moments when it’s super awkward in the office and suddenly you just “wanna get away?”

Yep - had one of those today. Personal phone conversation with the (usually most awesome) hubby. We were discussing an upcoming vacation and where to stay, which should have been fun to talk about, but really wasn’t. We were trying to discuss this while there was real work going on (for both of us). It was something that we couldn’t put off any longer which made it frustrating (for both of us) and ultimately it a tense conversation. 

Yuck.

The worst part to me (because really - after as long as we’ve been married, the occasional tense conversation isn’t a big deal) was that I didn’t want that negative energy to seep into my office or for anyone at work to have to sense my tension. 

Just saying - sometimes it’s pretty tough to keep the work life and home life separate, especially in our home of two busy professionals with our busy kids. Work interruptions happen (part of life), but in the future, if a conversation starts to get to that level of frustrating - my plan is to diffuse the tension, get a resolution and get off the phone as quick as possible. Deal with the issue, move on and end the whole conversation in the most pleasant manner possible (for both his and my sanity).

After the tense portion of our conversation, we ended by talking about a very yummy pot roast that my most awesome hubby was making for dinner tonight. Ahhhh - comfort food. 

Yep - he’s a super, awesome hubby who COOKS (and he would add CLEANS up the kitchen mess when he’s done).

there is no place for that

I like to watch TV shows that focus on people who are super passionate about what they do and the competitions to find the most talented person in various fields (such as TopChef, Shear Genius, the new Work of Art show on Bravo).

On these shows, there always seems to be a contestant that uses intimidation to get their way. This contestant tends to talk over other people (what’s up with the loud talking these days??) or they talk to the other contestants about each other to try to gain allies and determine “who needs to go” (like some of their contestants aren’t really worthy). 

The thing that seems to surprise the contestants that act like this (which they generally admit at the “reunion” shows after the competition is over) is the impression that was made by the way they acted. They usually had no idea of how the actions and behaviors translated to the viewing audience - and were typically not very happy with the public perception that was made. 

Even in everyday work life, this is something to keep in mind - because talking over people in meetings, or putting words in someone’s mouth that they really aren’t saying, talking about things in the extreme is generally not going to be well received and doesn’t leave a positive lasting impression. It may feel good at the time to “put someone in their place,” but this is actually poison to a productive work environment.

I can’t recall that a person who acted like this actually ever won their TV show competition. Some might reference Chrisitan Siriano, but actually he wasn’t as much into intimidating others to further himself - he would act in confidence and say pysch himself into a positive mindset by telling himself how “fierce” his designs were. 

He was hilarious to watch on Project Runway. It was his HUMOR that made him a fan favorite - and his TALENT that allowed him to win.

so you say it's your . . . .

Ahhhh - having a birthday at the office. 

Don’t mind saying that I’m a BIG fan of the monthly birthday (and anniversary) celebration. It makes work so much less awkward. People know what to expect and there aren’t surprises or anyone feeling like someone was treated more special than others. Keep it simple and nice (no drama) - not too extravagant, and easy to get back to business.

There was a time when people went a little over the top. (No, really - there was a feather boa involved at one point! Shudder!)

At one company, we always went out to eat for lunch. The supervisor bought the birthday guy/girl’s lunch while everyone else went dutch. That was charming until the one person who intentionally ordered a TON of food (so much so that everyone noticed). Uncool. Also, with everyone in attendance, the lunches could take forever (depending on the restaurant choice and the service level at that restaurant). OR - the birthday was on a difficult day to go out for lunch (who does that on a regular basis anymore??). We also did silly things, like make buttons for either the birthday person to wear - or for EVERYONE else to wear in “honor” of the birthday person. There could be photocopied signs posted in lobbies and elevators - wherever the most prominent and embarrassing place to advertise - a birthday announcement could be found there.

At another organization, every birthday was celebrated with either a cake, cupcakes, brownies, cookies, chips and salsa, ice cream sandwiches or a popcorn tasting. Everyone needed to have cute plates, utensils, and overall decor. The entire department would gather and sing (yep) while the lucky birthday girl/guy would be the center of attention (which is really awful if you’re not a big ham at heart). While it was a nice gesture, it was really not very practical as the department grew. 

The simple approach is more comfortable (I hope!) for everyone. On the monthly food day, people bring in whatever they want/can bring. There are donuts and bagels and all kinds of breakfast items (even fresh fruit!); then for lunch, the department generally has pizza. When the usual gathering occurs over cake - it’s for at least a couple of people (especially when you factor in company anniversaries).

How do you feel about work birthday celebrations?

feeling green

So, I'm in a meeting and it's not going well.

Ultimately, I am having a very rare occurance of feeling TERRIBLE at work. Unfortunately, the meeting is completely for my benefit. It's regarding direction for a project that I'm working on and so I really need to be attentive, clear headed and need to just get through the meeting without throwing up on the conference table, people's notes, or for that matter - people.

The question becomes, do I let those who are in the meeting with me in on the fact that I'm extremely ill - or do I just try to make it through without having to admit my stomach's need to hurl?

Well - the decision was made for me.

No NO - I DID NOT vomit during the meeting (or dash out of the meeting with my hand over my mouth). Nothing that dramatic. I simply realized that I was talking funny. I was SO focused on keeping my stomach contents in check (my apologies for grossing you out), that I was talking extremely slow, kinda soft and my words became very looooooonnnnnnng. It was just weird.

I needed to confess. And I did.

Well, I got through it. Actually, as I thought the meeting was over, it wasn't - we had another little pow-wow (different subject) afterwards. I got through that as well.

It was embarrassing though. Ever been through something like this?

what's this about?

Yep - this is what I saw on my way into work. Mixed signals - both green and red lights lit at the same time. It wasn’t a blip - they were both just “on.” You hear about getting mixed signals in a personal relationship, but what about when you get them at work? Sometimes things are on a good roll:
- the deal went through
- the client was THRILLED!
- sales look great

Sometimes they’re not:
- office drama (politics)
- not being as productive as you want to be
- missed project deadlines

That’s the part about work that I love the most: you have to have bad days to help define and really enjoy the good days. What once was considered a “good day” now has new definitions thanks to a recession that has altered how most companies operate on a daily basis. Still, there are plenty of good days to be had and a great way to have more good days is by communicating as clear as possible, ensuring that expectations are super-clear and that everyone knows their contribution or role.

Communicating clearly enables better days in the office by:
- giving people a definition to their part of an organization or responsibility within a project which empowers that person to move ahead with their best effort
- sets clear expectations of project timelines and allows all people involved to work towards a common goal
- demonstrates respect for your internal and external clients
- allowing for more delegation when possible - so that you can focus on your own “to do” list and get more things done

Clear, respectful communication is the ultimate way to avoid mixed signals.

controversy . . . unexpected

Isn't it just the strangest thing when one of your trusted, fellow comrades turns on you? Who expects controversy at work? It happens all the time.

Everyone cares so much about their careers that even simple decisions can spark great controversy. Who knows why unexpectedly, controversy arises out of the deep, calm ocean of work, but it can absolutely explode all over your day. Why do these things happen?

Office peer pressure? Well, yes. Sometimes peers still act like high-school and it's really easy to go with the popular vote and suddenly everything that was previously discussed about a project is completely unsettled because "place name here" isn't happy.

Boss pressure? See "peer pressure" only insert about 12 million pounds of more pressure.

Bad day at the office? Of course, and it's really easy to take those days out on the closest, most convenient people or projects around.

Everyone is busier because we're all working with less than what we had before the recession (smaller budgets, fewer members on staff) but we're expected to produce bigger and better than last year's ( or last quarter's) results. With all of these pressures on everyone's shoulders - is it any wonder that we're about to snap - at even our most trusted office mates?

When it happens - which it will - just have patience and remember how the ultimate professional would react and try to be that person who takes the high road. If possible, avoid email responses - because they just get annoying (and crafting the most professional responses that have no biting tone in them takes a lot of time). A great way to deflate the controversy is to have empathy with your office mate. Give them a reason to respect your work performance - even in strained moments.

the office chat

Can't imagine that this only happens in our office: chats.

Chatting starts out productive because we start off discussing a business related topic, but it totally turns to how we felt about last night's Kell On Earth or Shear Genius episode. (LOVE THOSE SHOWS, BTW.) Most of us are so busy now that there is no time for chatting anymore. We just need to sit and grind out the work, I mean - "be productive." The thing is, in our field - we're supposed to be inspired and sometimes that inspiration comes from the office chats.

The cleanest way to end a chat that is lasting too long (usually my fault, since I'm "chatty") is to simply say, "I've got to get back to this because I have to finish it before my meeting." BTW - this is always actually true. There is always something that needs to get done (one more answered email, one more project scheduled, etc) before the next meeting in which new items will be added to the "to do" list. Our office understands this and so the conversation ends too soon (we wish we could get paid to hang - I mean "inspire" - all the time). But, it works for us.

What's your way to get out of a chatty situation?